I am a complete sucker. There is no doubt about it. I keep falling for the same tricks time and time again. This time it’s the goldfish.

I have been in the “let’s get this house to look like a human habitation” mode for quite a while now. While on a cleaning spree, I uncovered a glass bowl which used to contain goldfish. We had gotten it (plus the fish) as a return gift on my neighbor’s son’s birthday party. I should have dumped them when I had the chance – instead I got them home and tried to take care of them. Despite my care or maybe because of it, they died within a week. I felt really bad and my kids kept asking me what happened to the fish. Anyway that was two years ago but the uncovering of the fish bowl got my daughter asking for the fish all over again. So I succumbed (if I had the guts, I would tattoo ‘idiot’ on my forehead – well actually the mirror image of ‘idiot’ so I would get a good look whenever I pass by a mirror). I promised the kids I would check for fish in the local pet shop and buy some if they weren’t too expensive. I think it’s important to keep promises and so I went out the next day and got a pair of small goldfish.

I couldn’t wait for them to come home from school and see them. When they burst in that evening and saw the fish, they were really thrilled – I couldn’t help grinning at their expressions – they promptly named the fish Appu fish and baby fish after themselves. I told them not to upset the creatures and to not make too much noise around them and to please never feed them anything or they would die. They chorused assent. When I cleared the table set for tea and got back, my son had dumped half a biscuit in the goldfish bowl. I frantically fished the offending item out, fished the fish out and changed the water and let out a long held breath when they were back in the bowl. I saved them once but the days ahead were worse.

By the third day, my kids began acting like the whole thing was my idea. They forgot about the fish – didn’t want to help me feed them or watch me change the water or say good night to them any more. And me? I got stuck with taking care of two more monsters. The fish take after their namesakes - one is hyper and eats properly, the other is slim and eats nothing. I can only give six pellets of food and one eats them all so either a) the fat one dies of too much food or b) the thin one starves or c) they both die. Eeeek!! Too much stress – I thought watching those damn things swim was supposed to relax you. I tried whistling and clucking at the non-eater so that it would notice the food – it’s of no use – that fish is completely oblivious. I tried yelling at them to have breakfast (well it works with the kids) – no use. I tried cajoling but couldn’t think of any reasonable bribes they might be interested in. I really don’t want skinny to die but I see no hope if this regimen of dieting continues.

All in all I am beginning to spend so much time or trying to feed the damn things with absolutely no results that it’s getting to me. I don’t even make fish curry anymore since I can’t stand the sight of fish of any kind. I am switching to chicken – to eat and not to keep as pets. Maybe I should just leave the two to the tender loving care of their namesakes – that would for sure get them back in line !!!